Boys of the Past

Today my mind was on a weird quantum leap scenario....

I was driving down the street to go pick my daughter from school and I see this man hanging up a basketball hoop...It makes me start thinking of the boy next door (yes I even liked the boy next door for awhile)...Chris was sweet...what can you expect, his mom was awesome and his step dad treated him like his own...I was crazy about him (And yes again, I even watched him when he was younger)...And before you think I was too old, I am only 3 years older than him...We could barely stand each other when he was younger...But low and behold one day we just sort of started kissing...We had been I guess together for awhile my senior year when my brother died....I can remember so vividly getting caught behind the house making out...

My mind then made the jump to my best friend in high school...how he was there in some situations that I needed him....How he was the only one for a while that I had as in the way of friends I mean... And I can also remember how much of a complete ass I was to him...How he put up with so much of my crap and then was almost always there for me....We would go see a movie almost every weekend...We even dated for a while there...We also made the plan that if we didn't find anyone through college that we would seriously give ourselves a try...Yes I know that sounds completely dorky, but he was there for me....He was who I could never imagine my life without for so long...Now he is hardly ever mentioned...I just wish I could tell him one thing.....Thank you...for being my best friend...for loving me for me....for just everything.....and Sorry for everything....you know exactly what I mean...

My mind then made the huge jump to my lil brother....Every thing about him was surreal...On my way to picking up my child I nearly lost it (crying I mean)....I had to make myself be happy....Some times I can go months without really thinking of him, and I mean really thinking......Don't get me wrong there isn't a day that I don't think about Colby, but that is but a fleeting moment.....Because if I ever just thought about him, I would end up curled up in bed crying....He has been dead for 6 yrs this April 16th....More about him on another post....On a day that I can be emotional without being such a wreck too.....

Before I leave though a few question for the masses: Does the pain ever get any better? The pain of loss of a loved one....the pain of causing someone pain.....and the pain of remembering your innocence and what it used to be....