2008 in a Nutshell!

~January~
Not much happened that was life altering.
~February~
One of my best friends moved to Cali, I miss her terribly. I am determined to try to get out to see her this coming summer!
~March~
My big girl turned 4 and also played kickball...Oh the memories!
~April~
Kickball some more, otherwise uneventful. Mattie (our female Boston) joined our little family.
~May~
End of Kickball season...Hayden turned 2. Cami finished school.
~June~
Gage came down for the summer...Christian also joined us half way through the month. My goddaughter joined her mom in Cali...we miss you BiaGranna!
~July~
Went to the Circus...Christian went home.
~August~
Gage went back to Houston in the early part of the month, but not before he met the 2 newest additions to our little family, Bo and Brian (our male Bostons).
~September~
Cami started gymnastics, which she truly enjoys, and I finally came to my senses and quit talking to my mother and to the scum she is married to.
~October~
Lost a friendship, that I look back on now wasn't really a friendship...Went to Houston to celebrate Gage's 11th birthday with him.
~November~
Went to Lytle (a one stop town outside of San Antonio) to spend Thanksgiving with my Uncle and Aunt. And Cami got invited to an advanced gymnastics team.
~December~
Cami started her new gymnastics class. Gage gave his dad and me the best Christmas ever, by coming down to live with us.

2008 in a Nutshell...Not too much, but definitely not complaining...And somewhere among all that I got out of the house and joined a Playgroup. I met some awesome moms that I can now call friends...

Now I am looking forward to what 2009 will bring...With 3 kids, 3 doggies, and one amazing husband...Anything is possible!!!

One Day!

I bottle things up...
I carry things around and never voice my true self, because I am always on my toes that I will hurt the people I care about...or people that my family care about!

I write, however that barely covers the surface of my...
hurt,
anguish,
troubles,
and most importantly my true feelings...

Half the time, you don't want to know how I truly feel.
Half the time, you don't want to know what I am truly thinking.
Half the time, I don't even want to feel or think half the shit I do feel and think!

I am a complicated woman.
I daresay that with everyting that I have learned in life...
I am who I am...some don't understand it and some don't even care.

One day I hope to make a friend who sees through the facade and can say "I know and don't try to hide it from me...I just know"







Sidenote...this blog is for my own ramblings, if it was meant for anyone I would of made the title stating just that!

To A Friend that Thinks I Deserted Her...

Did you ever bother to ask?

Why?
What's wrong?

I consider you still a friend, but what friend doesn't even bother asking the obvious...
Also after sometime try to mend fences that know should be mended or talked through...

Clarifying...

The posts I have made in the last few months are just that posts...I do not want to act on them nor do I wish for them to be true...

I write so that the crap in my head will go away...I can think more clearly if I post them on my blog...

Today I only write of you...

I dreamt of you last night...

I was happy. I was with you. Not in the sexual sense, but I spent my days with you. We were on a date. You were just like you always were. The sweet, loving man I had so hopelessly fallen in love with. For some reason I tried to leave, I think it was something someone said. But I tried to leave, and you followed me. You grabbed my arm, spun me around. Pulled me close, and held me...You kissed my forehead, and said, "How is it that it took me so long to find you? ......I am sorry for taking so long, but I love you..."
As I cried, the rain fell...You kissed away the tears as you held me tighter...I couldn't think of my hands being anywhere but around your neck...I looked into your questioning eyes and said, "I am so happy you finally said that, because I have loved you since the moment I saw you."
And we kissed...the sweet feathery kisses that lead up to big sloppy heat driven kisses. I only wanted to stick with those kisses...I grabbed your hand and started to search for the car, but halfway to the car, you said, "To hell with the rain!"
You bent over, hooked your arm behind my knees, and picked me up...You walked over to a doorway on a side street, and put me down.
I was laughing so hard that I was crying again, but I had gotten you to laugh too. I told you I wanted to dance in the rain, you told me in a little while I can. You got down on one knee and said, "I promise with every breath I breathe, that you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I promise with every day there will be adventure, heartache, happiness, and most importantly love. I promise to you, me...I have to know sweetheart, will you marry me?"

Waking up from such a declaration, I tried with all my might to go back to sleep. I was so happy in that dream, with you there. But that is just it, it was dream....My life is much more...I live everyday with adventure, happiness, and love....The only heartache is that time I sit thinking of you, or writing of you.
In the dream I was happy, but in reality I am that happy.

Last night I dreamt of you...today I only write of you...