Boys of the Past

Today my mind was on a weird quantum leap scenario....

I was driving down the street to go pick my daughter from school and I see this man hanging up a basketball hoop...It makes me start thinking of the boy next door (yes I even liked the boy next door for awhile)...Chris was sweet...what can you expect, his mom was awesome and his step dad treated him like his own...I was crazy about him (And yes again, I even watched him when he was younger)...And before you think I was too old, I am only 3 years older than him...We could barely stand each other when he was younger...But low and behold one day we just sort of started kissing...We had been I guess together for awhile my senior year when my brother died....I can remember so vividly getting caught behind the house making out...

My mind then made the jump to my best friend in high school...how he was there in some situations that I needed him....How he was the only one for a while that I had as in the way of friends I mean... And I can also remember how much of a complete ass I was to him...How he put up with so much of my crap and then was almost always there for me....We would go see a movie almost every weekend...We even dated for a while there...We also made the plan that if we didn't find anyone through college that we would seriously give ourselves a try...Yes I know that sounds completely dorky, but he was there for me....He was who I could never imagine my life without for so long...Now he is hardly ever mentioned...I just wish I could tell him one thing.....Thank you...for being my best friend...for loving me for me....for just everything.....and Sorry for everything....you know exactly what I mean...

My mind then made the huge jump to my lil brother....Every thing about him was surreal...On my way to picking up my child I nearly lost it (crying I mean)....I had to make myself be happy....Some times I can go months without really thinking of him, and I mean really thinking......Don't get me wrong there isn't a day that I don't think about Colby, but that is but a fleeting moment.....Because if I ever just thought about him, I would end up curled up in bed crying....He has been dead for 6 yrs this April 16th....More about him on another post....On a day that I can be emotional without being such a wreck too.....

Before I leave though a few question for the masses: Does the pain ever get any better? The pain of loss of a loved one....the pain of causing someone pain.....and the pain of remembering your innocence and what it used to be....

Protection--The Utmost Need

I am still stuck on my family situation.....However today's main thought is that we were supposed to host Thanksgiving again at our house, but it seems like no one will be coming...My grandmother doesn't want to have a Thanksgiving without my sister, so instead she will have one without her great-grandbabies...I truly don't understand why my grandmother is unhappy with the choices I have made when all I am doing is trying to protect my children and my marraige...



My sister (Amber yet again) is a self-centered woman that thinks everything should go her way at all times and when it doesn't proceeds to be rude and vulgar to her family.....She then goes off to some far off city (this time Alabama) and when that doesn't work out she comes home and expects everyone to forgive and forget without the mention of a sorry or that she was completely in the wrong...I hate to say it but she truly needs to grow up and have a reality check....Up until about 3 months ago my mother paid for everything of hers....car, insurance, apartment, utilities, and occasionally gave her extra money....Don't get me wrong a mother is entitled to help, but not for a 21-yr-old that refuses to keep a job, let alone be civil to the one that gives her money.....



Anywho....



One question for the masses....Should a sister be just as obligated as a mother is to her child???

A Secret Love Affair

I am fairly new to blogs, however I have always had a secret love affair for writing...I am 23 yrs old and have three kids...coincidentally I have only given birth to one child...I have a stepson who is 10, a daughter who is 3, and another daughter who is about to be 18 months this month...I am a happy and content woman who married her soulmate...

Robert is 35 yrs old and a big child most of the time...He is fun-loving, happy, and an all around good guy...We met on the internet...I was in college at Texas A&M-Corpus Christi and he lived in Houston...We met in person for the first time on March 1st of 2003 and I knew within the weekend that I was destined to marry him...We married on September the 2nd of 2003 (yes, I know only 6 months and a day from the day we met)...I gave birth to our daughter, Cameron Anise on March 31st of 2004...We lived a happy and carefree life for awhile and then we decided to adopt my sister's child...Hayden Reese was born on May 16th of 2006 and I wouldn't trade her for the world...Now all the drama it has caused with my family because of my sister's behavior, now that I could live without.....

I am the oldest of 6 children, 5 living...I was very close to my sister (Amber, 21), however her life is in need of some improvement...She has done some things I am not proud of and done things to the family that should of never been forgiven...I am very set in my opinion of my sister...Right now my hardest thing to understand is why my family chooses to allow her back in their lives after all of her drama...and how they then choose her over the family...

I guess I only have one question for the masses...How is it I want to see the good but can't seem to get past the hurt my sister likes to cause?